When days turn to nights

Everyday is a struggle. It seems like I take one step forward to be shoved ten steps back. You are taught from a young age that hard work pays off, so when is my payday? I feel like I've been fighting the good fight for so long and I'm only 23. Granted I have a whole life ahead of me, god willing, and I'm sure there is much more to come, however the struggle is exhausting. I'm no quitter so I keep on pushing on. I'm scared of failure and I've be acquainted with her for a quite some time now. I'm not asking for the world to be handed to me all I want is some comfort, some security. I'm not asking to be stress free, just a little less worried. There are things I wanna do before I am old and grey but it seems like they are a lifetime away. I break my back to be a good person and a great mother. I would love for the cards of life to just play me one good hand to show me that my hard work is worth something. I probably sound unappreciative of the good things I already have and selfish for wanting more. I'm not sure that's exactly what it is all I know is I'm hungry For adventure and life and love and happiness. I work hard for it, but when I turn around there is always something telling me no not today. So I wait, pen in hand and paper ready so I can release this energy. Sometimes negative, often positive. Energy built up from anger and stress, sometimes love and happiness. I write my heart out until my days turn to nights and maybe just one day the words I write will turn into reality.