Burning Tears

This happens to be a piece i wrote over a year ago. I put it up and haven't seen it since i wrote it. after re-reading it i can see why. It came from a place of pain. I was going through a lot (whats new??) Well I wanted to share it with you so here it is Burning Tears.....

Something told me you weren't honest baby. Something said to get out while you can. You know the red flags that go up with the warning, screaming silently in the background giving you the opportunity to leave. But i stayed. Believed in you and me. Now I'm standing here with Burning tears. Frustration and anger in my eyes, confusion ringing in my mind. Praying to God why? Why would he do this to me, how could he do this to me. Take my heart and abuse me. You used me. Took my love for granted, stole my mind, my soul, ruined my body. Touched my secret places both seen and unseen, took advantage of trust I had in you. Still I tried, tried to make changes. Be pretty enough and more submissive. I put up with your constant complaining. Took on the duties of a wife no ring in hand. I gave in to your demands, laid on my back when i wanted to stand. How stupid was I over this man? But now i am standing! No more believing you loved me. I don't believe you cared. You weren't true to me, you were true to yourself. Left me with the luggage now i carry it myself. Its OK because I Love myself. Enough to know that god shares this same love for me and I don't need you. So change is finally here but you are not apart of it! No more Burning Tears.

When days turn to nights

Everyday is a struggle. It seems like I take one step forward to be shoved ten steps back. You are taught from a young age that hard work pays off, so when is my payday? I feel like I've been fighting the good fight for so long and I'm only 23. Granted I have a whole life ahead of me, god willing, and I'm sure there is much more to come, however the struggle is exhausting. I'm no quitter so I keep on pushing on. I'm scared of failure and I've be acquainted with her for a quite some time now. I'm not asking for the world to be handed to me all I want is some comfort, some security. I'm not asking to be stress free, just a little less worried. There are things I wanna do before I am old and grey but it seems like they are a lifetime away. I break my back to be a good person and a great mother. I would love for the cards of life to just play me one good hand to show me that my hard work is worth something. I probably sound unappreciative of the good things I already have and selfish for wanting more. I'm not sure that's exactly what it is all I know is I'm hungry For adventure and life and love and happiness. I work hard for it, but when I turn around there is always something telling me no not today. So I wait, pen in hand and paper ready so I can release this energy. Sometimes negative, often positive. Energy built up from anger and stress, sometimes love and happiness. I write my heart out until my days turn to nights and maybe just one day the words I write will turn into reality.